Being Your Peace

It’s so much easier said than done. I could ramble on about how important it is to be your own peace but it would go in one ear and right out the other. Truth is, it takes more than practice and more than dedication and most of all, patience. If you’re like me? You can give amazing advice and not take your own. It sounds so good coming from your own lips doesn’t it. Feels good knowing you’ve lifted someone else’s spirits but after a while you begin to feel drained. It’s like you’re constantly being everyone else’s healer and go-to but where’s everyone when you need it? Who can you run to when no one can really understand you like you do? There’s your answer.

Becoming Selfish

It’s hard for me to be selfish. I’m more than a selfless individual so I don’t know how to be selfish when it comes to anything. I’m always looking to save the day for anybody in need. Whether it’s a homeless man who hasn’t eaten all day. A friend or family who needs help physically or financially or just lending an ear for an hour or two. I’m always jumping the cliff for someone else. Then it’s my time to need help and can’t depend on anybody I’ve helped or those who tell you the classic line, ” call me if you need me ” .. it gets me every time. You lose faith in others so quickly behind this. You lose trust also and not even believe in those people anymore. They’re all flat out liars at this point. I’ve experienced this over and over again. No matter how many chances you give someone sometimes they just prove you right. Now you’ve recovered and they need you again. Ha! Do you still be that selfless individual or do you finally shut down and put you first. Will you put you first? How does this work?


Since I started trying to put myself first. I noticed the first thing I did was ignore folks. Is that good or bad? I tend to feel really bad when I ignore someone that needs me. If we’re being completely honest, I’d rather ignore you than tell you no. That’s BAD! I’ve learned that’s not good for me and my well being. I shouldn’t have to suffer because I’m not available to help someone with something. It doesn’t work like that. So if you can’t do it? JUST SAY THAT. They will get over it eventually. 

If saying no is too hard? Become completely unavailable. How do you do that you ask? Easy, just stop being available as you were before. Become more and more distant and the neediness tends to wear off. They’ll stop reaching out to you if they’re not getting what they need from you. Stay busy as much as you can and even if you aren’t, pretend to be. Nobody knows you’re pretending but you right ? 

You First

Once you get in the habit of saying no and becoming unavailable to the neediness of others you tend to give all the energy to what really matters and that’s yourself. Nobody should ever be more important than you and your health. If you aren’t in a peaceful state of mind how can you give off this energy to someone else without draining what’s left of you? The more of you that you give away the less of you there is unless you are always full of you. You have to be at your absolute best to give the others and the world pieces of you. I don’t care how nice you are and how many good deeds you do. Those things only affect you positively when you are in a positive place yourself. If you aren’t mentally and spiritually elevated in positivity everything you do will only affect you negatively. You can’t give to others when you don’t have anything to give because you aren’t giving from inside. You’re giving with expectation that it’ll return to you. You can’t be a friend to someone if you aren’t being that same friend to yourself first. You can’t be available to everyone in need when you are in need. Take care of yourself first and helping others will become nature and no longer be a burden ..

Importance of Self-Esteem

Attack on Self-Esteem

Sometimes it’s hard to remain positive & full of love when so much negativity is going on in your life. As we get older we begin to realize how all the things we thought bring us happiness are the same things that bring us sadness. Relationships fail, you lose a job, drop out of school, and start asking yourself questions you don’t have the answers to quite yet. A lot of us fall into sudden depression and anxiety after these types of situations. You also begin to avoid building your self-esteem which eventually affects your life a lot more than you think. It’s like staring up from the bottom of a deep dark hole and no way out in sight. Once your self-esteem is under attack you definitely aren’t the same person you were before. This is the beginning of losing yourself and lacking love for who you are. 

“Take care how you speak to yourself because you are listening..”

Affects of Low Self-Esteem

A low self-esteem can damage the authenticity of our lives in a variety of ways. We grow negativity and negatively everyday that we are under war with ourselves. Negative feelings and thoughts are dramatically taking over. We have relationship issues constantly. Whether it be family, friends, significant others and even co-workers, everyone is affected because of how you feel about yourself. Poor judgemental abilities and giving up easily regarding things that you were once so passionate about. Lack of self care is a BIG ONE. We tend to lose ourselves so much that we don’t even want to get out of bed. You may miss showering and meals throughout the day. Most of us turn to abusing drugs and alcohol to cope with the pain we’re experiencing. We become isolated within ourselves and rather not reach out for help just to simply avoid being judged or belittled for feeling the way we feel. If you noticed I started to use “we” instead of “you” because I am someone who struggled with self-esteem and I understand how hard it is to get yourself back to your healthy self. Although it may seem like it’s easier said than done, trust me it can be done and you’ve already started to process by trying to identify what you’ve experienced.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.”
– Buddha

Rebuilding Self-Esteem

Regardless of what you are going through at the moment I want you to start working toward rebuilding your self-esteem. Start talking and thinking positively of yourself. Even if you’ve had the worst day of your life try to see at least one positive thing in that day and focus on how it made you feel. Stop beating yourself up about life. Whatever you’re working hard for it’s going to come to you as long as you continue to push for it. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you are pressing to make it happen, it will happen! Leave the past in the past, learn to forgive others and forgive yourself. This is truthfully easier said than done but I promise if you practice a bit everyday it’ll become natural to you. A big one for me is learning not to worry or be fearful of the future. If you have no idea what’s coming ahead why should you live in fear of it before it even comes. It’s like walking down a dark hallway with a small candle. The candle is only giving you so much light at such a distance but the rest of the way is still dark and unclear. You don’t know what’s there but you do know that if you keep going eventually you will be able to see up ahead more clearly. So why be afraid of the unknown? Be courageous and confident in yourself moving forward. These are all the things I’ve practiced over the last few years in rebuilding my self-esteem. I’m not one hundred percent but I’m definitely far from what I used to be. I still relapse sometimes but I have reminders in place to redirect me to who I am and who I’m becoming. Building self-esteem and keeping yourself happy is the first step to regaining self love. The journey is amazing and you won’t lose anything during this experience. You’ll only gain a better understanding of you and who you are truly meant to be.

I truly hope this article helped many of you facing these struggles today. I hope this article brings you peace and understanding going forward. Positivity is key to self-esteem and self-esteem is key to self love.. 

Be peaceful. Be at peace. -Sanaa Ali