Silent Cries ..

depressed ? but don’t want to say ya depressed bc that’s not what it is you feel you don’t think .. but mentally ? you’re done with a lot of shit 🤦🏽‍♀️😪
you just can’t do it anymore & every day it’s weighing in on you … just don’t want to keep going anymore , don’t really care to exist anymore .. you don’t want to do anything , be anything , feel anything . you become soooo tired , You’re sooooooooo tired 😭😭 & nobody knows cuz you gotta fake a smile everyday .
The worst thing a person told me was “ You no longer live for you , you live for your kids “ which is cool I’m all for it BUT am I selfish for wanting ME TO LIVE ? Because I feel like I’m dying yo , everyday , I feel a little weaker , a little slower , piece by piece I’m fading away .. & nobody understands ! they just tell you , you gon be straight.. it’ll be okay .. well ONE DAY ? It won’t be .. & what you gonna say then ?
so if you love me ? Check on me please !
if you care about me ? Check on me please !
if I mean sumn to ya , CHECK ON ME ! That’s all I ask 💯

Love After Toxicity

Meeting someone new is always one of the best feelings ever. Especially if it’s someone completely opposite from what you’re used to dealing with. Of course everyone around you always encourages you to date and mingle as much as possible. Yet, they don’t understand how hard that can be after you’ve been in a toxic relationship. Some of us are in toxic relationships and haven’t quite caught on to it and others are just sticking with it hoping for a change later on. I’m here to say if your relationship has become severely toxic there’s no way to reverse it. I’m one to give a million chances and attempt different ways to tackle a struggle but a toxic relationship is simply not worth the energy. Recovering from a bad relationship could take months and even years. It tends to follow you no matter how much you try to forget about it. That’s what makes it so hard to want to be with someone new. You began to wonder if you’re the right person for them and are you good enough because you weren’t good enough for your ex. You began bringing things from your past relationships into your new one and unless that person has patience and has an understanding heart you’ve pretty much screwed with their head and more than likely made them feel the need to back off. There’s always the thoughts of being hurt and destroyed again and again. Wondering if they will do you the same way your past lovers had. There may be nothing wrong at all with your new partner but just because you’ve been through the worst you’re going to make something wrong because it’s what you’re used to. You question just about everything they do or say because you just feel like everyone is the same after your ex, right? WRONG! Everyone is not the same. No matter how many times this phrase is used. We as humans have to let this mindset go. You’re going to meet someone and they’ll be everything you prayed for but you have to allow them and their energy to move through you so that they can show you that they are different. You have to be willing to accept this new found love and simply dismiss the old. You know for a fact the old love was not for you so why make it so hard for the new love to settle in because you’re scared. You have to trust yourself if you’re going to trust your new lover. Your new lover is already showing you patience and willingness to be there for you during this process so why make it harder. Learning to leave the past in the past is one of the hardest things to do. It is a must that seems impossible. You have to learn to be open with your lover about what you are experiencing even if it’s just one bit at a time. Being a damaged soul happens to the best of us and it’s not easy recovering from the tragedies. Having patience with yourself is also key. It’s not going to happen overnight. You must learn to love again and love the correct way. Avoiding all the negatives that you experienced in the past. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Not everyone is using you or abusing you. Not everyone will come for the moment and leave. Don’t lose someone who could be the best thing that ever happened to you because you can’t let go of what hurt and damaged you in the past. It’s okay to try again. We all feel like we will never love again and then someone comes along and proves us wrong. Be that person who proves someone wrong and be that person who is proven wrong. We all want love .. It’s what we were put here on earth to do. So let them love you if they are trying to love you. Embrace them with open arms as they are doing the same with you. Be strong and be confident that you have found love and it shall be.

” Maybe it won’t work out. But maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever… “

Importance of Self-Esteem


Attack on Self-Esteem

Sometimes it’s hard to remain positive & full of love when so much negativity is going on in your life. As we get older we begin to realize how all the things we thought bring us happiness are the same things that bring us sadness. Relationships fail, you lose a job, drop out of school, and start asking yourself questions you don’t have the answers to quite yet. A lot of us fall into sudden depression and anxiety after these types of situations. You also begin to avoid building your self-esteem which eventually affects your life a lot more than you think. It’s like staring up from the bottom of a deep dark hole and no way out in sight. Once your self-esteem is under attack you definitely aren’t the same person you were before. This is the beginning of losing yourself and lacking love for who you are. 

“Take care how you speak to yourself because you are listening..”

Affects of Low Self-Esteem

A low self-esteem can damage the authenticity of our lives in a variety of ways. We grow negativity and negatively everyday that we are under war with ourselves. Negative feelings and thoughts are dramatically taking over. We have relationship issues constantly. Whether it be family, friends, significant others and even co-workers, everyone is affected because of how you feel about yourself. Poor judgemental abilities and giving up easily regarding things that you were once so passionate about. Lack of self care is a BIG ONE. We tend to lose ourselves so much that we don’t even want to get out of bed. You may miss showering and meals throughout the day. Most of us turn to abusing drugs and alcohol to cope with the pain we’re experiencing. We become isolated within ourselves and rather not reach out for help just to simply avoid being judged or belittled for feeling the way we feel. If you noticed I started to use “we” instead of “you” because I am someone who struggled with self-esteem and I understand how hard it is to get yourself back to your healthy self. Although it may seem like it’s easier said than done, trust me it can be done and you’ve already started to process by trying to identify what you’ve experienced.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.”
– Buddha

Rebuilding Self-Esteem

Regardless of what you are going through at the moment I want you to start working toward rebuilding your self-esteem. Start talking and thinking positively of yourself. Even if you’ve had the worst day of your life try to see at least one positive thing in that day and focus on how it made you feel. Stop beating yourself up about life. Whatever you’re working hard for it’s going to come to you as long as you continue to push for it. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you are pressing to make it happen, it will happen! Leave the past in the past, learn to forgive others and forgive yourself. This is truthfully easier said than done but I promise if you practice a bit everyday it’ll become natural to you. A big one for me is learning not to worry or be fearful of the future. If you have no idea what’s coming ahead why should you live in fear of it before it even comes. It’s like walking down a dark hallway with a small candle. The candle is only giving you so much light at such a distance but the rest of the way is still dark and unclear. You don’t know what’s there but you do know that if you keep going eventually you will be able to see up ahead more clearly. So why be afraid of the unknown? Be courageous and confident in yourself moving forward. These are all the things I’ve practiced over the last few years in rebuilding my self-esteem. I’m not one hundred percent but I’m definitely far from what I used to be. I still relapse sometimes but I have reminders in place to redirect me to who I am and who I’m becoming. Building self-esteem and keeping yourself happy is the first step to regaining self love. The journey is amazing and you won’t lose anything during this experience. You’ll only gain a better understanding of you and who you are truly meant to be.


I truly hope this article helped many of you facing these struggles today. I hope this article brings you peace and understanding going forward. Positivity is key to self-esteem and self-esteem is key to self love.. 

Be peaceful. Be at peace. -Sanaa Ali