I know it’s hard. I know you’re tired. Tired of being strong. Tired of caring. Tired of acting like everything is all good. Faking smiles everyday is a thing. But faking energy isn’t . Your mind is troubled & heart is sad. Your trust is damaged beyond recovery with everybody. You say “Lord I’m trying “ & keep on going but your patience has worn thin. Focusing & trying so hard not to crash but deep down you believe you already have. What do you do now ? They say be strong & keep going but what they don’t tell you is trying to be strong ALL THE TIME results in rapid weakness .. BUT Again ☝🏽 we say to ourselves.. “Lord I’m trying .. & I guess I’ll try again ..” all while knowing there’s not even a mustard seed of energy left to “ try again “ ..
being a mother is a gift & also a mental battle … so when you’re sending your blessings to our fellow mothers today .. remember WE TRY .. we try so freaking hard all while under PRESSURE & we don’t get to just walk away . a lot of us deserve this day ..🤞🏽
I wrote this after going through the toughest breakup after 5 years. I’ve learned that true enough it’s going to hurt & you’ll take some of those bad vibes with you. Not on purpose but because that’s what you’re used to. Just realize & understand that it’s supposed to hurt so you don’t put yourself through anything to experience that pain again .. You learn what not to go through & what not to settle for going forward.. So while you’re hurting understand that you’re also healing…
I rarely hear people discuss the seriousness of dealing with abandonment yourself or dealing with someone who has abandonment issues. Like depression, it can be a silent killer and drive you to be suicidal. It’s not something that’s easy to talk about. It’s not something that can be recognized immediately. If you are on a journey to understanding yourself you’ve probably found out on your own that you suffer from many things and one of them may be abandonment. Not really something somebody can tell you or evaluate for you. I found out I suffer from abandonment browsing the internet if we’re being honest. People you deal with seem to always be able to tell you things like you need help or that they don’t know what’s wrong with you. Soon they become a part of things that contribute to your near exploding bottle with a loose cap.
Identifying The Culprits
People with abandonment issues tend to hide this whether they are aware or not and over time it starts to surface uncontrollably. This affects relationships of all kinds but usually begins with childhood trauma. Everyone experiences different things as a kid and a lot of us grew up harder than many. Although people recommend seeing therapists to identify issues like this it can be done on your own if you’re willing to take the time to identify and acknowledge it as something you are dealing with. After researching the different types of abandonment I was able to pinpoint many things in my childhood and teenage years that affect me right now in my twenties. These things have followed me so closely and affected everything around me when it comes to dealing with people. Let’s discuss them in more detail. I’ll get a little personal to help you understand.
Types Of Abandonment
Avoidant – Won’t allow anyone to get close to them. Can’t open up or trust others. Comes off as distant and withdrawn.
Anxious – Getting so close and dependent on or in relationships with others. Anxious about being away from your significant other. Emotionally reactive in conversation or confrontation. Reacting out of fear and frustration of losing someone or losing someone else.
Disorganized – Have problems with remaining connected. Constantly inconsistent with self and others. Scared of being in a relationship and getting close or attached to people
My childhood traumas that affect me would be growing up in a home of domestic violence. Constantly being told I’ll never be anything in life. Always reminded that I was hated and wished I was never born. Abused emotionally, mentally and physically. Neglected more moments than I can remember. Not feeling loved as a child or growing up. Strict household. Bullied from kindergarten all the way to high school. Kept inside until I met my first best friend. She was later murdered on my 14th birthday. Dad and mom split for good. The list will go on. These are only some of the things I identified in my life that I feel contribute to my abandonment issues. There are many other things I’ve experienced that pan out into the different types of abandonment. Which led me to realize I suffer from all of them and they affect me still to this day.
Cause & Effect
Losing someone of significant meaning to you due to a break up or death. Doesn’t really matter if you’re an adult or child, these issues will practically destroy new and healthy relationships. During childhood, they may have suffered from parents not being there for them as they should’ve been. Being degraded and belittled by a parent. Verbally abused by parents or others. Having only one parent in the home. Having both parents but not being cared for properly. The list can go on forever when discussing childhood trauma. As I said before we all had different experiences leading to something we may have in common.
People suffering from abandonment may seem like the happiest people in the world. They come off to be the kindest people you’ll meet and they’ll do anything for you to avoid losing you. In relationships you may experience someone who needs to know you love them or constantly needing reassurance that you aren’t thinking about leaving them.
Some signs of abandonment issues could be..
-Giving more than should be or over pleasing
-Overplaying roles in others lives
-Trust issues with self and others
-Fixated on control of others or letting themselves be controlled by others
-Settling for less than what is deserved
-Inability to understand and communicate properly
-Hard at listening or always wanting to be heard
Paying More Attention
I could give you the internet version of how to cope with this issue but I’d rather not. I can only tell you that I’m still struggling with it. After losing my last relationship it made me want to start looking more into myself. Sometimes that’s exactly what it takes. After all, failed relationships trigger the feelings of abandonment so here I am. My first step was identifying that I have the issue and the causes of it. Now I’m writing about it which helps a little bit. This is a current journey that I’m going through and just starting to learn how to deal with. I’m hoping to develop a self care plan that I can share with others to help them as I’m trying to help myself. I know I’m not the only one suffering from it and I hope me being open about it helps others cope and want to help better themselves when dealing with their war on abandonment too. I’ll be posting my progress here and if it helps even one person I’ve fulfilled my purpose ..
Being a Cancer is like being on a never-ending rollercoaster. I’m not sure why people hype up other zodiacs as being “stronger” or “not for the weak” but I want to CLEAR THE AIR. There is no other sign that can match the strength of a being with the Moon as their ruling planet. Cancers are one of the two zodiacs ruled by the lights in the sky. Leo’s being the other ruled by our beautiful Sun. Water being our chosen element signifies we are deeply connected to our feelings and emotions. To others this seems to be “weak” or just way too much to handle. So does that make others weak for not being able to handle or understand the true powers of a Cancerian.
Something I haven’t understood for a long time though, Cancers are said to be the yin of yang. Yet the symbol is the complete circle of the famous Chinese philosophy. Meaning there can’t be true balance in life without one or the other. So what does this truly mean for Cancers exactly if we are constantly viewed as evil and negative? Why do other zodiacs avoid this sign so much? Why are they always told they’re too sensitive? What is so freaking intimidating about a Cancerian? Let me guess our powerful abilities that make us uniquely incomparable to any other sign.
Mind Readers Are Real ..
If you come in contact with a true Cancerian let’s just say you better be as genuine of a person as you can possibly be. There is no being fake or running facades with them. They are like crystal balls and can see right through you no matter how hard you try to mask it. They are damn near experts at reading people. There is nothing these great beings can’t notice right off the bat when something isn’t right. The little things one may miss without even thinking about it will already have been picked up on by a Cancer. They miss absolutely nothing. There is no getting over on them once they’re onto you, they’re on you. They’re biggest mistake is letting someone sway them from what they were right about all along. Usually this ends up getting them hurt. Knowing they were right and allowing you to make them feel like they were wrong. This may be intimidating to others being that you cannot do this with them. Cancers are so up and down you will never pick up on them. Even if you think you’re onto something you’re probably dead wrong. It sucks doesn’t it. Like Bella’s power in Twilight.. you can’t get in their heads even if they wanted you to. You’ll only know what they allow you to know.
There’s no giver with the heart of a Cancer. These people are extremely generous and cannot help that they are. This almost always results in them being taken advantage of. In relationships, most of the time they’re giving their all without expecting anything in return. The downside to this giving soul is they usually end up giving way too much of themselves to others resulting in exhaustion and drainage. If this happens you have a jaded Cancer brewing and it’s likely time to start giving back or showing a bit more appreciation toward your crab before they go into their shell. They live for putting a smile on your face but if you start to take theirs it’s definitely a problem and wheww boy it is not good.
If I know one thing? I know a Cancer doesn’t like to fight unless it’s absolutely necessary. They have a natural ability to think outside of themselves. They know they aren’t always right and they are definitely fine with losing an argument. Cancers like to know all sides to a story to find a perfect solution for everyone involved during disagreements. They’re quick to break up fights and settle arguments in calming manners. In relationships, they will definitely let you win the argument so they can move forward. They are the first to compromise and find a common ground before the other. If your Cancer is argumentative it is likely they have been boiling for a while now and cannot hold anything back. It’s best to just listen and possibly compromise with them and they’ll go back to normal. They just want to be heard, so hear them.
Perfect candidate would be your Cancerian friend. On top of being a mind reader they are really good at giving advice and understanding how others feel. They are experts at evaluating a friend’s situation way better than their own. They can give you the best advice and you’ll feel 100% better after talking to them. They are also very trustworthy, well SOME of them. You can be sure your secrets are safe with a Cancerian. Even if you’re not friends anymore your secret is safe with them.
I cannot stress this enough. A Cancerian is all about home and family. Once you are a part of them they become very protective of you. They will be willing to go against the entire world for you. In relationships, this is intimidating for loved ones of your loved one. If your significant other constantly rambles about family issues and friends that don’t value them you can bet your ass your Cancerian has put them on their shit list. This is why it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say when venting or discussing things with your Cancer part. They will turn on everybody when it involves the one they love, even their own. If you cannot handle this type of protectiveness your best bet is to keep your family issues to yourself. How they feel about others is solely based on what you express to them.
Hurt Cancers Hurt Others
They are absolutely the most caring zodiac of all. When they love you, THEY LOVE YOU and they have no problem proving it every second of every day. Cancers are typically hurt pretty easily because they are very emotional and take almost everything to heart. It could be something you say to make them feel blue inside and you won’t even know it because they’ll just lie and tell you they’re fine. Sometimes they’ll just ignore whatever it is and keep it pushing. When you truly hurt a Cancer you have entered WARZONE. I say this because they can handle just about anything that comes at them. It takes a lot for them to reach their boiling point. It hurts them more to be in their feelings which is why they avoid it more than anything. When they’re hurt they tend to isolate themselves and think about everything bad that’s happened to them even if it’s years ago. They will cry themselves into endless headaches and send themselves into a deep depression and it can be almost impossible to get them to come back out. They lose interest in just about everything. If they aren’t happy, they just aren’t happy and it only takes time to heal them. They hate to be used and taken advantage of. Once they have figured this out they will become enraged. Not with you but themselves because 9/10 they read you first but continued to keep you in their life. They will know you are bad for them and have every sign showing it and still try to see the greatness in you. Once they’re mad just get out and get out fast. You have birthed a replica of the Incredible Hulk. There is no calming down any time soon. They don’t give a flying fuck how you feel or what you have to say. It’s best to just leave. This sign is equal to a serial killer when unhinged. Avoid hurting and angering a Cancer because once you do there is no going back. They hold grudges for years at a time and they will never forget what you’ve done to them.
Memories Last Forever
Don’t ever think you can alter a Cancer mind. They remember everything and vividly. It could be years ago and they’ll remember it like it was yesterday. Hurtful words stick to them and they constantly hear them over and over again. They’re often told that they are always stuck in the past and that is accurate especially if they are hurt. You will be reminded of the things you’ve done and said if you haven’t corrected them in the present. They are natural born hoarders of good and bad memories but the bad ones seem to be more clearer. They remember the good times but the good only sends them into their emotional rollercoaster so they’d rather think of the bad to make them feel better about the decision they made if leaving you behind. This is intimidating to those who are liars or using a Cancer for their own benefit. Usually this is how a Cancer catches someone in a lie and they don’t even realize it until they’re called out on their shit. Which more than likely sparks an argument. The memory of a Cancer is not to be played with, you will lose and look stupid in the end.
Queen of the Zodiacs
As a Cancer you possess powerful traits that other zodiacs don’t have and will never understand. These traits make you uniquely made and incomparable. So what if you’re emotional at least you are able to level with others and understand them in ways that others can’t. Sensitive and caring, yes but definitely not weak. We are one of the strongest zodiacs if not the strongest. We endure a lot from others and we make the best out of anything coming our way. There’s really no such thing as playing a Cancer or using them because they already know you are and more than likely are testing to see how far you’ll go. Cancers just like other’s to keep it real with them at the end of the day. If they’re being genuine with you why not give it in return? Don’t take kindness and strength for weakness. I guarantee you can’t take the dark side of a Cancerian. If you can’t handle dealing with one? Fuck off, it is WE who are not for the WEAK!
It’s so much easier said than done. I could ramble on about how important it is to be your own peace but it would go in one ear and right out the other. Truth is, it takes more than practice and more than dedication and most of all, patience. If you’re like me? You can give amazing advice and not take your own. It sounds so good coming from your own lips doesn’t it. Feels good knowing you’ve lifted someone else’s spirits but after a while you begin to feel drained. It’s like you’re constantly being everyone else’s healer and go-to but where’s everyone when you need it? Who can you run to when no one can really understand you like you do? There’s your answer.
It’s hard for me to be selfish. I’m more than a selfless individual so I don’t know how to be selfish when it comes to anything. I’m always looking to save the day for anybody in need. Whether it’s a homeless man who hasn’t eaten all day. A friend or family who needs help physically or financially or just lending an ear for an hour or two. I’m always jumping the cliff for someone else. Then it’s my time to need help and can’t depend on anybody I’ve helped or those who tell you the classic line, ” call me if you need me ” .. it gets me every time. You lose faith in others so quickly behind this. You lose trust also and not even believe in those people anymore. They’re all flat out liars at this point. I’ve experienced this over and over again. No matter how many chances you give someone sometimes they just prove you right. Now you’ve recovered and they need you again. Ha! Do you still be that selfless individual or do you finally shut down and put you first. Will you put you first? How does this work?
Since I started trying to put myself first. I noticed the first thing I did was ignore folks. Is that good or bad? I tend to feel really bad when I ignore someone that needs me. If we’re being completely honest, I’d rather ignore you than tell you no. That’s BAD! I’ve learned that’s not good for me and my well being. I shouldn’t have to suffer because I’m not available to help someone with something. It doesn’t work like that. So if you can’t do it? JUST SAY THAT. They will get over it eventually.
If saying no is too hard? Become completely unavailable. How do you do that you ask? Easy, just stop being available as you were before. Become more and more distant and the neediness tends to wear off. They’ll stop reaching out to you if they’re not getting what they need from you. Stay busy as much as you can and even if you aren’t, pretend to be. Nobody knows you’re pretending but you right ?
Once you get in the habit of saying no and becoming unavailable to the neediness of others you tend to give all the energy to what really matters and that’s yourself. Nobody should ever be more important than you and your health. If you aren’t in a peaceful state of mind how can you give off this energy to someone else without draining what’s left of you? The more of you that you give away the less of you there is unless you are always full of you. You have to be at your absolute best to give the others and the world pieces of you. I don’t care how nice you are and how many good deeds you do. Those things only affect you positively when you are in a positive place yourself. If you aren’t mentally and spiritually elevated in positivity everything you do will only affect you negatively. You can’t give to others when you don’t have anything to give because you aren’t giving from inside. You’re giving with expectation that it’ll return to you. You can’t be a friend to someone if you aren’t being that same friend to yourself first. You can’t be available to everyone in need when you are in need. Take care of yourself first and helping others will become nature and no longer be a burden ..
Growing up we’re taught that if we do good onto others good will come to us. What we weren’t taught is that if you do good with expectations you basically void out your good deed and block your blessings. Another thing we are taught to believe is that ” we’re only human”. This is an insult to what we truly are. We only borrow this shell that we are closed in for our time here on earth. These fragile little things we’re stuck in where we can hurt and be hurt. We are human like but we are definitely more than human. We are one of God’s main creations. We are here with one mission to complete … HELP ONE ANOTHER and LOVE ONE ANOTHER. So when you are helping someone there should be no explanation nor expectation following it. If you’re doing it from your heart and of God’s will you should WANT nothing in return. Blessings are returned a thousand times over if you’re purely giving. Our human nature tends to want us to always receive something in return when we do something for someone else. This is not of our higher power and inner being. We are to love a stranger as if he were our own. We are to help a stranger in need as if it were our own family in need. All while not expecting anything in return. If you do something for someone and you regret it soon after you didn’t give from your heart. You gave with expectations. Learn to expect nothing in return of giving because giving of God is giving with love and complete understanding of why you’re giving. God recognizes these deeds and blesses you because of them. Sometimes that person you helped may not deserve that help from you but that is not for you to decide. Leave that part to God. As long as you give from your heart and without expectation you have fulfilled your purpose.
Let’s practice giving without expectations starting today. Pay it forward next time you’re waiting in line for that meal or coffee. Give a homeless man a few bucks to start the day. Buy that crying kid a toy in the line at Walmart. Buy those few groceries for that elderly lady in Kroger. Fill up the person’s gas tank behind you. There’s plenty of ways to give .. Just put some effort and love into it!
Meeting someone new is always one of the best feelings ever. Especially if it’s someone completely opposite from what you’re used to dealing with. Of course everyone around you always encourages you to date and mingle as much as possible. Yet, they don’t understand how hard that can be after you’ve been in a toxic relationship. Some of us are in toxic relationships and haven’t quite caught on to it and others are just sticking with it hoping for a change later on. I’m here to say if your relationship has become severely toxic there’s no way to reverse it. I’m one to give a million chances and attempt different ways to tackle a struggle but a toxic relationship is simply not worth the energy. Recovering from a bad relationship could take months and even years. It tends to follow you no matter how much you try to forget about it. That’s what makes it so hard to want to be with someone new. You began to wonder if you’re the right person for them and are you good enough because you weren’t good enough for your ex. You began bringing things from your past relationships into your new one and unless that person has patience and has an understanding heart you’ve pretty much screwed with their head and more than likely made them feel the need to back off. There’s always the thoughts of being hurt and destroyed again and again. Wondering if they will do you the same way your past lovers had. There may be nothing wrong at all with your new partner but just because you’ve been through the worst you’re going to make something wrong because it’s what you’re used to. You question just about everything they do or say because you just feel like everyone is the same after your ex, right? WRONG! Everyone is not the same. No matter how many times this phrase is used. We as humans have to let this mindset go. You’re going to meet someone and they’ll be everything you prayed for but you have to allow them and their energy to move through you so that they can show you that they are different. You have to be willing to accept this new found love and simply dismiss the old. You know for a fact the old love was not for you so why make it so hard for the new love to settle in because you’re scared. You have to trust yourself if you’re going to trust your new lover. Your new lover is already showing you patience and willingness to be there for you during this process so why make it harder. Learning to leave the past in the past is one of the hardest things to do. It is a must that seems impossible. You have to learn to be open with your lover about what you are experiencing even if it’s just one bit at a time. Being a damaged soul happens to the best of us and it’s not easy recovering from the tragedies. Having patience with yourself is also key. It’s not going to happen overnight. You must learn to love again and love the correct way. Avoiding all the negatives that you experienced in the past. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Not everyone is using you or abusing you. Not everyone will come for the moment and leave. Don’t lose someone who could be the best thing that ever happened to you because you can’t let go of what hurt and damaged you in the past. It’s okay to try again. We all feel like we will never love again and then someone comes along and proves us wrong. Be that person who proves someone wrong and be that person who is proven wrong. We all want love .. It’s what we were put here on earth to do. So let them love you if they are trying to love you. Embrace them with open arms as they are doing the same with you. Be strong and be confident that you have found love and it shall be.
” Maybe it won’t work out. But maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever… “
Sometimes it’s hard to remain positive & full of love when so much negativity is going on in your life. As we get older we begin to realize how all the things we thought bring us happiness are the same things that bring us sadness. Relationships fail, you lose a job, drop out of school, and start asking yourself questions you don’t have the answers to quite yet. A lot of us fall into sudden depression and anxiety after these types of situations. You also begin to avoid building your self-esteem which eventually affects your life a lot more than you think. It’s like staring up from the bottom of a deep dark hole and no way out in sight. Once your self-esteem is under attack you definitely aren’t the same person you were before. This is the beginning of losing yourself and lacking love for who you are.
Affects of Low Self-Esteem
A low self-esteem can damage the authenticity of our lives in a variety of ways. We grow negativity and negatively everyday that we are under war with ourselves. Negative feelings and thoughts are dramatically taking over. We have relationship issues constantly. Whether it be family, friends, significant others and even co-workers, everyone is affected because of how you feel about yourself. Poor judgemental abilities and giving up easily regarding things that you were once so passionate about. Lack of self care is a BIG ONE. We tend to lose ourselves so much that we don’t even want to get out of bed. You may miss showering and meals throughout the day. Most of us turn to abusing drugs and alcohol to cope with the pain we’re experiencing. We become isolated within ourselves and rather not reach out for help just to simply avoid being judged or belittled for feeling the way we feel. If you noticed I started to use “we” instead of “you” because I am someone who struggled with self-esteem and I understand how hard it is to get yourself back to your healthy self. Although it may seem like it’s easier said than done, trust me it can be done and you’ve already started to process by trying to identify what you’ve experienced.
Regardless of what you are going through at the moment I want you to start working toward rebuilding your self-esteem. Start talking and thinking positively of yourself. Even if you’ve had the worst day of your life try to see at least one positive thing in that day and focus on how it made you feel. Stop beating yourself up about life. Whatever you’re working hard for it’s going to come to you as long as you continue to push for it. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you are pressing to make it happen, it will happen! Leave the past in the past, learn to forgive others and forgive yourself. This is truthfully easier said than done but I promise if you practice a bit everyday it’ll become natural to you. A big one for me is learning not to worry or be fearful of the future. If you have no idea what’s coming ahead why should you live in fear of it before it even comes. It’s like walking down a dark hallway with a small candle. The candle is only giving you so much light at such a distance but the rest of the way is still dark and unclear. You don’t know what’s there but you do know that if you keep going eventually you will be able to see up ahead more clearly. So why be afraid of the unknown? Be courageous and confident in yourself moving forward. These are all the things I’ve practiced over the last few years in rebuilding my self-esteem. I’m not one hundred percent but I’m definitely far from what I used to be. I still relapse sometimes but I have reminders in place to redirect me to who I am and who I’m becoming. Building self-esteem and keeping yourself happy is the first step to regaining self love. The journey is amazing and you won’t lose anything during this experience. You’ll only gain a better understanding of you and who you are truly meant to be.
I truly hope this article helped many of you facing these struggles today. I hope this article brings you peace and understanding going forward. Positivity is key to self-esteem and self-esteem is key to self love..
Not many people understand the meaning of epiphany. The word itself has several definitions depending on it’s usage. Personally, I believe it is based on your own understanding and how you apply it to yourself and your life. We will dive into that perspective later on but first I want to inform you on the different meanings and origin of the word.
Origin and History
Epiphany originated around 1275-1325 from the Greek term ‘epiphaneia’ meaning “appearance” or “manifestation”. It is commonly used in reference to the manifestation of Jesus Christ to the Gentiles, known as a Christian holiday. This holiday is celebrated on January 6th and also known as the Baptism of Jesus, Three Kings Day, and Little Christmas. Like Easter and Christmas, it is one of the oldest and jubilant days of the Christian church. Wow! Did you know this? I sure didn’t. While the term has a spiritual meaning, it also has a very popular meaning that I am more familiar with.
A sudden flash of understanding or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by a simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. It is also known as an appearance or manifestation usually of a deity (god, goddess). Compliments of a few dictionaries for these somewhat understanding definitions. Now that we know the meanings of epiphany let’s discuss what you and I may believe it means and develop our own understanding.
I like to think of epiphany as “a glimpse, or sudden enlightenment of reality that prepares you for upcoming self transformation”. We all have moments where we may not fully understand why certain things happen to us or happen around us. Most of the time we blame these things on childhood trauma, young adult experiences, and lack of mental and physical support. We begin to feel that life just isn’t going good for us and probably never will which is a huge mistake. As humans we are prone to mistakes and making wrong turns in life. No matter how many times we try to avoid them they just continue happening and that wrong turn eventually turns in a long dark road. If you’re a deep thinker like myself you tend to think about everything bad when negative things happen. Sometimes those negative things are the genesis of your epiphany. The negative experiences seem to strike those deep and spur of the moment thoughts that could benefit you positively if thoroughly examined and initiated the correct way. A lot of the time we ignore our epiphanies. We do this by blocking it with negativity. Instead of thinking of them negatively try to look at these experiences with a positive mindset. When you’re being positive the good things start happening. What I mean by “being positive” is not allowing any negativity inside your mind no matter how it is presented to you. When you allow negativity into you it is then distributed from you. If it is distributed from you it will be given back to you. This is an epiphany I’ve experienced more than once. I’m sure you have before too. Everything we do while we are here on Earth starts as a thought first. “Our thoughts determine our lives..” said the great Elder Thaddeus. I believe this with all of my heart. The second you think and move in positivity is the very moment you experience this amazing feeling of having a self healing epiphany.