Blocked

I scrolled across this & instantly got a sense of relief. I thought that I was the only one who felt like they had to completely cut someone off if or when you don’t associate with them anymore. I’ve always felt like if we aren’t for each other, we just aren’t for each other. I’m not going to sit around fake with you or try to be friendly just because. For the life of me I still don’t understand how some folks are able to befriend people that hurt them or people who have crossed them. We’ll talk about that in another post though. Anyway, there it is. It’s okay to block people, unfriend them, delete them from existence you know if it’s going to help you heal better and handle the situation better. If I’m trying to get over, you? I can’t be your freaking friend. Some folks can be so selfish when it comes to situations like this.

Stuck in Stupid

So, this is what it comes to.

You can’t accept it but it’s true.

You’ve been hurt, again.

An emotion that never ends.

How do you feel?

What do you feel?

Nothing at the moment, numb.

Cold as steel.

Why must you endure this pain

When you just want to love again.

You’ve been trying to hang on, just can’t let go.

Knowing if you hold on? You won’t grow.

You won’t heal. You won’t leave.

Something you cannot feel.

But in reality, you still feel the ill.

They love you. But how could they?

Everything has been a lie,

How could you believe what they say?

You love them, you love them not.

But how can you stop?

Choose you! Why not?!

Money and time.

I’ll take yours for mine.

That a problem? That’s fine.

We might not be intertwined & divine.

Like in my mind.

Maybe we come to one another as signs.

Again, that’s fine. I’m very well cool with it.

But how did I ever become so stuck in stupid.

-Sanaa Ali

Handling Cancers

CAN ANYBODY HANDLE A CANCER ♋️

NOPE 😐

we tolerate the worst behavior. even when every 🚩 is sitting right in our face , we ignore them ON PURPOSE bc we see the best in a mf , they can’t do nothing wrong . We alienate ourselves from everyone , just to be with you .We let ppl fuck us over on multiple occasions & sweep it under the rug like “ Oh, they didn’t mean it.. “ We’ll give people so much of our energy that when they aren’t around , we beefing or stop responding to text messages & calls it feels like DEATH UPON USSS 💀😢 we began to sulk & walk around in misery .. it’s freaking depressing ! all cuz a mf moving funny frfr WE THAT SENSITIVE . when you fw USSSSS ? ♋️ you have to REMAIN THE SAMEEEEE from day one ! However you acted in them first 2-3 weeks 👏🏽 KEEP THAT ENERGY !
we love the gm messages ☀️
we love the “baby this, baby that” 🥴
we love the checking in & on us 😩
we LOVE ATTENTIONNNN ! 👀👀🥰🥰🥰 TELL US WE’RE BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME 💋
TELL US WE’RE FUNNY 🤣
tfff WE LIKE DATES , WE LIKE PARTYING WITH YOU , we love cuddling , we love different levels of intimacy , we wanna get to know you , we wanna understand you , we wanna CONNECT WITH YOU !

y’all afraid of CANCERS ♋️ bc yall don’t be on that shit . y’all catch a CANCER & realize how freaking clingy we are & romantic we can get , how generous our hearts are , it’s scares tf out of you ! Cuz you aren’t capable of returning that energy as freely as a cancerian so you start using a CANCER to your benefit. Sad thing is WE KNOW THIS .. we just try to see if you gonna reciprocate the energy ONE DAY .. 🤔 Y’all switch up how y’all was moving when you first met us & ohhhh when we get to READING YO ASS ??!! & returning energy issa problem 🙄 ONCE WE RETURN ENERGY , it’s over . We shell up & start healing .. You no longer make us depressed , your energy is reflected 💥THEN YALL TURN CRAZY WHEN WE DON’T WANNA FWY NOMO 🤔🤦🏽‍♀️
Y’all can’t handle CANCERS , bc we can’t be handled simply bc WE’RE THE HANDLERS ♋️

Silent Cries ..

depressed ? but don’t want to say ya depressed bc that’s not what it is you feel you don’t think .. but mentally ? you’re done with a lot of shit 🤦🏽‍♀️😪
you just can’t do it anymore & every day it’s weighing in on you … just don’t want to keep going anymore , don’t really care to exist anymore .. you don’t want to do anything , be anything , feel anything . you become soooo tired , You’re sooooooooo tired 😭😭 & nobody knows cuz you gotta fake a smile everyday .
The worst thing a person told me was “ You no longer live for you , you live for your kids “ which is cool I’m all for it BUT am I selfish for wanting ME TO LIVE ? Because I feel like I’m dying yo , everyday , I feel a little weaker , a little slower , piece by piece I’m fading away .. & nobody understands ! they just tell you , you gon be straight.. it’ll be okay .. well ONE DAY ? It won’t be .. & what you gonna say then ?
so if you love me ? Check on me please !
if you care about me ? Check on me please !
if I mean sumn to ya , CHECK ON ME ! That’s all I ask 💯

Is it Insomnia?

It’s getting harder to sleep these days. My mind is constantly going & it seems like it never stops. Even when I’m resting it doesn’t feel like I’m resting because my mind is still going. Now of course our minds keep working while we’re asleep but that’s not the focus here. Some of us can’t rest correctly because our minds aren’t present. Let me make this make sense . You ever lie down to take a nap & 30 minutes later you’re still up. No phone, tv or anything distracting just silence but your brain is LOUD AS F*CK! Squeezing your eyes closed and counting to one hundred hoping by 50 you’ve drifted off but you disappointingly approach 99 & start over. Yeah! That! You can’t rest because your mind is active. When I can’t sleep I feel like it’s the universe trying to communicate with me. When we lie down in our beds at night & prepare to sleep it’s supposed to feel good right ? Sometimes it doesn’t feel good & the universe is trying to tell you why. Maybe I didn’t do something I was supposed to do within my last 24 & now it’s haunting me. Maybe I done something I shouldn’t have & now I’m forced to reflect on my decisions. It could be a number of different things keeping you awake. The hardest part is figuring out what it is that’s troubling you so you can move forward & know how to prevent these things from causing your restless nights. With me, I wasn’t sure what was causing my restless nights & dragging mornings. All I knew is I was prepared to figure out the problem & I have…



They say sleeping is for the dead. While we’re here we have a job to do. A mission that must be completed before we ascend. I can’t sleep at night because I have realized I’m decreasing in value when I sleep. I’m not giving my all to my purpose. I can’t sleep knowing that I could have & should have done MORE throughout the day for MYSELF! We all get exhausted from our daily activities and mothering 24/7 but if we can remain exhausted & worn out from working our butts off for someone else we can very well drain ourselves for ourselves. So now when I find myself complaining about being tired. I’ll remember sitting up all night not being able to sleep. I want more , I crave better so I have to lose out on sleep to get where I’m going.



Make yourself a valuable person.

Rick Ross

Figure out what motivates you & keeps you going. Then use that same will, that same energy to push you to where you want to be & beyond. The only thing standing in front of you reaching your goals is EXCUSES! No more excuses.. CAN’T CASH EXCUSES , you can cash a check though!

She’s More Than Mom!

This morning, I scrolled across this Facebook post & it touched me. Not always will you feel an instant sensation from reading a post but when it’s something you can relate to? You definitely feel it. I felt this post, a cry for help from a young mother. Sometimes things get so bad that you have to go for help. We do need help! Mentally and physically the superhero’s are worn out. Do you know how many times a day I tell myself I need a break not knowing when I’ll get one? We do things like take a hour & a half showers, or stay at the grocery store a little longer , or simply just sit in the bathroom and consider those “ break times”. A mother can appear to be so well put together on the outside & be broken to shards in the inside. We’re FAKE! Believe it or not. We mask every little emotion until the cap is blown off. So when you see that mom yelling & telling her kids to “SIT TF DOWN” at the red light. Just pray for her!

If you are depressed, upset or frustrated and feel helpless, need someone to listen or simply be there to help relieve you from your negative energy please reach out to me..

She smiles so big from ear to ear, You wouldn’t notice the trail from a tear. She hides it so well but she’s not so well. Her heart is hurting & no one cares , there’s no one to tell. Her back hurts, her body is tired, but she has to go to work if not? She’s fired. She can’t complain, She can’t throw fits cause soon as she does she’ll appear unfit to those who don’t fit. Who can she tell who won’t judge , who won’t trip. Won’t squeal & let it slip. Nobody cuz they’ll all think she’s crazy , little do they know she’s only still doing it for the babies. Not much fun, & not much funds, her only focus is on her young . No time to go out, no time to date, it’s to much on her plate , remember those back aches? She’s tired, she’s depressed, she’s hurt, she’s stressed. But she’s never forgetting she’s super blessed. Her young are her ultimate test, she must prepare them for a better living , a better life before she rests ..

Moms remember that you are more than just “MOM”. You are a queen and your happiness matters too. You deserve your time as much as you give your time to others. You deserve some peace. You deserve security and stability. You deserve understanding . You are strong, you are dedicated and amazing. You wake up every morning and give yourself 150%. You make things happen when you’re hurting with a smile on your face. Take a day! Get your nails done, go out to eat, go see a show, whatever makes mom happy. You deserve a MOM DAY! Take it!

Sanaa Ali 💙

A Mother’s Mind

I know it’s hard. I know you’re tired. Tired of being strong. Tired of caring. Tired of acting like everything is all good. Faking smiles everyday is a thing. But faking energy isn’t . Your mind is troubled & heart is sad. Your trust is damaged beyond recovery with everybody. You say “Lord I’m trying “ & keep on going but your patience has worn thin. Focusing & trying so hard not to crash but deep down you believe you already have. What do you do now ? They say be strong & keep going but what they don’t tell you is trying to be strong ALL THE TIME results in rapid weakness ..
BUT Again ☝🏽 we say to ourselves.. “Lord I’m trying .. & I guess I’ll try again ..” all while knowing there’s not even a mustard seed of energy left to “ try again “ ..

being a mother is a gift & also a mental battle … so when you’re sending your blessings to our fellow mothers today .. remember WE TRY .. we try so freaking hard all while under PRESSURE & we don’t get to just walk away . a lot of us deserve this day ..🤞🏽

Happy Mother’s Day .. 💝

HappyQueenDay 🙏🏽 #NeverFold #YouGotThis #MothersDay2021

A Poem Of Heartbreak

It Still Hurts…


When I think of you

I feel tears coming

When I think of you

I feel fears summoning

What used to be warm

It is now cold

Hard like stones

Fragile as the old

Like mind games

Memories are bittersweet

Who knows what I’ll get

A trick or a treat

Giving everything I’d had

Literally til there was nothing left

Feels as though I died

Years ago, my last breath

Like snowy skies in the darkness

Everything is blurry

Confusion is never the word

Anxiety it is and constant worry

You’ll think it’s over

Because they’ve gone in a spur

But here I lie like it’s okay

In reality, it still hurts


I wrote this after going through the toughest breakup after 5 years. I’ve learned that true enough it’s going to hurt & you’ll take some of those bad vibes with you. Not on purpose but because that’s what you’re used to. Just realize & understand that it’s supposed to hurt so you don’t put yourself through anything to experience that pain again .. You learn what not to go through & what not to settle for going forward.. So while you’re hurting understand that you’re also healing

Sanaa Ali

War On Abandonment

I rarely hear people discuss the seriousness of dealing with abandonment yourself or dealing with someone who has abandonment issues. Like depression, it can be a silent killer and drive you to be suicidal. It’s not something that’s easy to talk about. It’s not something that can be recognized immediately. If you are on a journey to understanding yourself you’ve probably found out on your own that you suffer from many things and one of them may be abandonment. Not really something somebody can tell you or evaluate for you. I found out I suffer from abandonment browsing the internet if we’re being honest. People you deal with seem to always be able to tell you things like you need help or that they don’t know what’s wrong with you. Soon they become a part of things that contribute to your near exploding bottle with a loose cap. 

Identifying The Culprits

People with abandonment issues tend to hide this whether they are aware or not and over time it starts to surface uncontrollably. This affects relationships of all kinds but usually begins with childhood trauma. Everyone experiences different things as a kid and a lot of us grew up harder than many. Although people recommend seeing therapists to identify issues like this it can be done on your own if you’re willing to take the time to identify and acknowledge it as something you are dealing with. After researching the different types of abandonment I was able to pinpoint many things in my childhood and teenage years that affect me right now in my twenties. These things have followed me so closely and affected everything around me when it comes to dealing with people. Let’s discuss them in more detail. I’ll get a little personal to help you understand.

Types Of Abandonment

Avoidant – Won’t allow anyone to get close to them. Can’t open up or trust others. Comes off as distant and withdrawn. 

Anxious – Getting so close and dependent on or in relationships with others. Anxious about being away from your significant other.  Emotionally reactive in conversation or confrontation. Reacting out of fear and frustration of losing someone or losing someone else.

Disorganized – Have problems with remaining connected.  Constantly inconsistent with self and others. Scared of being in a relationship and getting close or attached to people


My childhood traumas that affect me would be growing up in a home of domestic violence. Constantly being told I’ll never be anything in life. Always reminded that I was hated and wished I was never born. Abused emotionally, mentally and physically. Neglected more moments than I can remember. Not feeling loved as a child or growing up. Strict household. Bullied from kindergarten all the way to high school. Kept inside until I met my first best friend. She was later murdered on my 14th birthday. Dad and mom split for good. The list will go on. These are only some of the things I identified in my life that I feel contribute to my abandonment issues. There are many other things I’ve experienced that pan out into the different types of abandonment. Which led me to realize I suffer from all of them and they affect me still to this day.

Cause & Effect

Losing someone of significant meaning to you due to a break up or death. Doesn’t really matter if you’re an adult or child, these issues will practically destroy new and healthy relationships. During childhood, they may have suffered from parents not being there for them as they should’ve been. Being degraded and belittled by a parent. Verbally abused by parents or others. Having only one parent in the home. Having both parents but not being cared for properly. The list can go on forever when discussing childhood trauma. As I said before we all had different experiences leading to something we may have in common.

People suffering from abandonment may seem like the happiest people in the world. They come off to be the kindest people you’ll meet and they’ll do anything for you to avoid losing you. In relationships you may experience someone who needs to know you love them or constantly needing reassurance that you aren’t thinking about leaving them.

Some signs of abandonment issues could be..

 -Giving more than should be or over pleasing

-Overplaying roles in others lives 

-Trust issues with self and others

-Fixated on control of others or letting themselves be controlled by others 

-Settling for less than what is deserved

-Inability to understand and communicate properly

-Hard at listening or always wanting to be heard

Paying More Attention

I could give you the internet version of how to cope with this issue but I’d rather not. I can only tell you that I’m still struggling with it. After losing my last relationship it made me want to start looking more into myself. Sometimes that’s exactly what it takes. After all, failed relationships trigger the feelings of abandonment so here I am. My first step was identifying that I have the issue and the causes of it. Now I’m writing about it which helps a little bit. This is a current journey that I’m going through and just starting to learn how to deal with. I’m hoping to develop a self care plan that I can share with others to help them as I’m trying to help myself. I know I’m not the only one suffering from it and I hope me being open about it helps others cope and want to help better themselves when dealing with their war on abandonment too. I’ll be posting my progress here and if it helps even one person I’ve fulfilled my purpose ..

Cancerians: Are They The Strongest Of The Zodiacs?

Being a Cancer is like being on a never-ending rollercoaster. I’m not sure why people hype up other zodiacs as being “stronger” or “not for the weak” but I want to CLEAR THE AIR. There is no other sign that can match the strength of a being with the Moon as their ruling planet. Cancers are one of the two zodiacs ruled by the lights in the sky. Leo’s being the other ruled by our beautiful Sun. Water being our chosen element signifies we are deeply connected to our feelings and emotions. To others this seems to be “weak” or just way too much to handle. So does that make others weak for not being able to handle or understand the true powers of a Cancerian. 

Mostly Misunderstood

Something I haven’t understood for a long time though, Cancers are said to be the yin of yang. Yet the symbol is the complete circle of the famous Chinese philosophy. Meaning there can’t be true balance in life without one or the other. So what does this truly mean for Cancers exactly if we are constantly viewed as evil and negative? Why do other zodiacs avoid this sign so much? Why are they always told they’re too sensitive? What is so freaking intimidating about a Cancerian? Let me guess our powerful abilities that make us uniquely incomparable to any other sign.

Mind Readers Are Real .. 

If you come in contact with a true Cancerian let’s just say you better be as genuine of a person as you can possibly be. There is no being fake or running facades with them. They are like crystal balls and can see right through you no matter how hard you try to mask it. They are damn near experts at reading people. There is nothing these great beings can’t notice right off the bat when something isn’t right. The little things one may miss without even thinking about it will already have been picked up on by a Cancer. They miss absolutely nothing. There is no getting over on them once they’re onto you, they’re on you. They’re biggest mistake is letting someone sway them from what they were right about all along. Usually this ends up getting them hurt. Knowing they were right and allowing you to make them feel like they were wrong. This may be intimidating to others being that you cannot do this with them. Cancers are so up and down you will never pick up on them. Even if you think you’re onto something you’re probably dead wrong. It sucks doesn’t it. Like Bella’s power in Twilight.. you can’t get in their heads even if they wanted you to. You’ll only know what they allow you to know.

God’s Givers

There’s no giver with the heart of a Cancer. These people are extremely generous and cannot help that they are. This almost always results in them being taken advantage of. In relationships, most of the time they’re giving their all without expecting anything in return. The downside to this giving soul is they usually end up giving way too much of themselves to others resulting in exhaustion and drainage. If this happens you have a jaded Cancer brewing and it’s likely time to start giving back or showing a bit more appreciation toward your crab before they go into their shell. They live for putting a smile on your face but if you start to take theirs it’s definitely a problem and wheww boy it is not good.

Natural Peacemakers

If I know one thing? I know a Cancer doesn’t like to fight unless it’s absolutely necessary. They have a natural ability to think outside of themselves. They know they aren’t always right and they are definitely fine with losing an argument. Cancers like to know all sides to a story to find a perfect solution for everyone involved during disagreements. They’re quick to break up fights and settle arguments in calming manners. In relationships, they will definitely let you win the argument so they can move forward. They are the first to compromise and find a common ground before the other. If your Cancer is argumentative it is likely they have been boiling for a while now and cannot hold anything back. It’s best to just listen and possibly compromise with them and they’ll go back to normal. They just want to be heard, so hear them.

Advice

Perfect candidate would be your Cancerian friend. On top of being a mind reader they are really good at giving advice and understanding how others feel. They are experts at evaluating a friend’s situation way better than their own. They can give you the best advice and you’ll feel 100% better after talking to them. They are also very trustworthy, well SOME of them. You can be sure your secrets are safe with a Cancerian. Even if you’re not friends anymore your secret is safe with them. 

Overprotective Much

I cannot stress this enough. A Cancerian is all about home and family. Once you are a part of them they become very protective of you. They will be willing to go against the entire world for you. In relationships, this is intimidating for loved ones of your loved one. If your significant other constantly rambles about family issues and friends that don’t value them you can bet your ass your Cancerian has put them on their shit list. This is why it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say when venting or discussing things with your Cancer part. They will turn on everybody when it involves the one they love, even their own. If you cannot handle this type of protectiveness your best bet is to keep your family issues to yourself. How they feel about others is solely based on what you express to them. 

Hurt Cancers Hurt Others

They are absolutely the most caring zodiac of all. When they love you, THEY LOVE YOU and they have no problem proving it every second of every day. Cancers are typically hurt pretty easily because they are very emotional and take almost everything to heart. It could be something you say to make them feel blue inside and you won’t even know it because they’ll just lie and tell you they’re fine. Sometimes they’ll just ignore whatever it is and keep it pushing. When you truly hurt a Cancer you have entered WARZONE. I say this because they can handle just about anything that comes at them. It takes a lot for them to reach their boiling point. It hurts them more to be in their feelings which is why they avoid it more than anything. When they’re hurt they tend to isolate themselves and think about everything bad that’s happened to them even if it’s years ago. They will cry themselves into endless headaches and send themselves into a deep depression and it can be almost impossible to get them to come back out. They lose interest in just about everything. If they aren’t happy, they just aren’t happy and it only takes time to heal them. They hate to be used and taken advantage of. Once they have figured this out they will become enraged. Not with you but themselves because 9/10 they read you first but continued to keep you in their life. They will know you are bad for them and have every sign showing it and still try to see the greatness in you. Once they’re mad just get out and get out fast. You have birthed a replica of the Incredible Hulk. There is no calming down any time soon. They don’t give a flying fuck how you feel or what you have to say. It’s best to just leave. This sign is equal to a serial killer when unhinged. Avoid hurting and angering a Cancer because once you do there is no going back. They hold grudges for years at a time and they will never forget what you’ve done to them. 

Memories Last Forever

Don’t ever think you can alter a Cancer mind. They remember everything and vividly. It could be years ago and they’ll remember it like it was yesterday. Hurtful words stick to them and they constantly hear them over and over again. They’re often told that they are always stuck in the past and that is accurate especially if they are hurt. You will be reminded of the things you’ve done and said if you haven’t corrected them in the present. They are natural born hoarders of good and bad memories but the bad ones seem to be more clearer. They remember the good times but the good only sends them into their emotional rollercoaster so they’d rather think of the bad to make them feel better about the decision they made if leaving you behind. This is intimidating to those who are liars or using a Cancer for their own benefit. Usually this is how a Cancer catches someone in a lie and they don’t even realize it until they’re called out on their shit. Which more than likely sparks an argument. The memory of a Cancer is not to be played with, you will lose and look stupid in the end.

Queen of the Zodiacs

As a Cancer you possess powerful traits that other zodiacs don’t have and will never understand. These traits make you uniquely made and incomparable. So what if you’re emotional at least you are able to level with others and understand them in ways that others can’t. Sensitive and caring, yes but definitely not weak. We are one of the strongest zodiacs if not the strongest. We endure a lot from others and we make the best out of anything coming our way. There’s really no such thing as playing a Cancer or using them because they already know you are and more than likely are testing to see how far you’ll go. Cancers just like other’s to keep it real with them at the end of the day. If they’re being genuine with you why not give it in return? Don’t take kindness and strength for weakness. I guarantee you can’t take the dark side of a Cancerian. If you can’t handle dealing with one? Fuck off, it is WE who are not for the WEAK!